top of page

You don't have children?! What have you done with your life?!

If you are in your thirties or over, a female and don't have children it's common you'll considered wasted material. Indeed, the "why", "when" and "what are you waiting for" are the most frequently asked questions you will receive.

From friends and acquaintances that are already experiencing parenthood, are about to experience it or have experienced it long ago.

It's as if your whole life, achievements and life goals (other than procreating) don't matter at all if you don't experience the supreme gift of being a mother.

I have all the love and respect for the mothers in my life. However, those who after becoming a parent believe they are suddenly better, entitled to judge and diminish the opinions or choices of those who choose not to have children (yet) or can't have children I disagree with.

Those who often say "You should speak only when you have a child"
"You wouldn't understand as you don't have a child" or "You will only be mature enough after you've had a child"
"Life without children is meaningless", or "You don't know happiness until you have a child" etc.

This may have been the situation for you, however, making these kinds of judgements pressured comments towards women who by their own private reasoning don't want or cannot have children can have destructive effects.

Having children doesn't measure your worth or wisdom. While it may give you different experiences and change your views and priorities, it rarely increases your IQ or decency as a human being . Not everyone must have children to understand life and be mature.

Carrying a life inside you and bringing up a child is an amazing, unique experience that shapes the one's view and is a massive and constant learning curve.

However, life is about so much more as well. There are plenty of experiences from which we can learn. Life is about what you make it and what you want it to be.

The times when women were seen solely valued for their role in society to procreate is (thankfully) long gone in most places on this earth. Most women now have a choice and this is a reason for ALL women to celebrate. We can all learn from each other's experiences.

We can all be united, respect each other's choices and put a stop to gender stereotypes.


Written by Blog writer,

Alexandra Teodor

For further resources


TEDX talk


Founded by Lisbeth, the author of " Echte vrouwen krijgen een kind "

A site full of stories told by women who decided not to have children.

Funny, supportive, empowering.

Listen to the Damn Honey podcast about " non-motherhood "

bottom of page